


In which Dorian confronts some issues he'd rather not think about.

by orphan_account



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Abusive Relationships, Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Everyone Has Issues, Fix-It, I hope, Maybe - Freeform, Not Beta Read, Other, and also i believe the ship has potential but NOT as written in inquisition, if someone has better tag suggestions please tell me, in which dorian and bull are not a good match in canon, it's breaking up, it's fine it's all well and good, not tagging with relationships because insofar this is NOT a romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-31
Updated: 2020-05-31
Packaged: 2021-03-02 17:27:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,069
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24470572
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Dorian was flashy, but sensitive, and quiet, and mild-mannered enough of the time that apparently he'd just let some handsome qunari walk all over him because he couldn't talk himself into speaking up - and he hadn't spoken up, no matter his discomfort. Not yet.It's a working title.
Kudos: 1





	In which Dorian confronts some issues he'd rather not think about.

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I think Bull and Dorian could make an incredibly charming match. However, the way their relationship goes down in canon is...less than great. Many before me have enumerated the reasons why, but the tl;dr of it is that Bull (pretty uncharacteristically) takes advantage of both Dorian's lack of explicit resistance and his issues with alcohol.  
> This isn't ship hate or anything, I guess is what I'm trying to clarify - there's a reason I'm not tagging it with the ship. The dialogue of their romance as written just has toxic implications. I don't think Dorian set the curtains on fire out of excitement alone.

"I am  _ uncomfortable _ !" Dorian finally blurted out. He jerked himself from Bull's grasp, gentle as it was in relation to the man's full strength. The mage brushed himself off instinctively, swatting tangible anxiety away from where it seemed to cling to his sleeves. "The duration of this - this entire relationship has been nothing but you pressuring me, Bull; I would simply  _ adore _ being able to stand being near you sober, but at this point, I can't." He felt heat rising in his chest and tried to suppress it before it made its way through to his fingertips, tried to steady his breathing and keep his magic under control this time, and continued, slow, deliberate, through gritted teeth: "The first time you took me, I was drunk. Every time you made your lewd comments about me in the field, I tried to deflect it, and yet, and YET, how you  _ persisted _ ."

Bull had never heard this tone from him, Dorian knew, had never heard him raise his voice in anger. Dorian was flashy, but sensitive, and quiet, and mild-mannered enough of the time that apparently he'd just let some handsome qunari walk all over him because he couldn't talk himself into speaking up - and he  _ hadn't  _ spoken up. No matter his discomfort, no matter the stress this entire affair wound up putting on him, no matter night after night of drinking when he couldn't focus on his studies any longer - and not because of his usual habits, no, but because of the grievous anticipation of any night the Iron Bull might want to fuck him and not knowing if he could make himself say no.

Bull wanted to reply. Dorian could tell. But if he let Bull interject, he wouldn't finish.

"I gave you every sign, Bull," he hissed. "I pushed you away at every opportunity I felt I was allowed to. And I cannot believe for ONE second that all your Ben-Hassarath training spontaneously fails you and leaves you utterly mystified as to the deep and complex signals purely and exclusively of Dorian of House Pavus!” He always talked with his hands, and as was to be expected, his arms were up emphatically to match the lilt in his voice as he said his name, as he emphasized the absurdity of the possibility, as his voice got higher and louder. “I cannot, I  _ refuse  _ to believe that you were somehow simply unaware that there was more tension between us than the remotely sexual!” Jaw clenched, his hands fell to his sides. He was shaking, breathing hard, eyes locked on Bull’s face, desperate for any sign of emotion - and of course, he didn’t see it. The man had uncontrolled emotions trained out of him,  _ twice _ . It infuriated Dorian at times. He couldn’t conceive of it - especially not submitting to it voluntarily, as Bull had when turning himself over to the qunari “re-educators,” something he declined to talk about in detail but which Dorian could infer was as good as torture.

He tried to keep his breath in check. He couldn’t afford to lose control, to let his anger or his nerves overtake him. His voice still shook as his tone dropped low, quiet: “You're smarter than that. You're too sharp to blunder into a situation where you hurt someone so routinely without realizing it. The fact that the first time in weeks I meet up with you without being completely pickled it ends up like this ought to speak for itself. 

“ _ Speak _ ," he snapped at last, and tucked his hands deep into the crooks of his elbows before they could do anything stupid.

The Iron Bull was quiet for several long, infuriating seconds. Dorian couldn't read his face, though Bull's gaze never wavered from his.

Finally, Bull spoke. Soft in a way Dorian rarely heard anymore. He usually only heard Bull use this tone in his periphery, speaking gently to the Chargers or the Inquisitor about personal matters, or to Cole. Everything else had been brash and loud and crude outside of the oppressive, purring dirty talk. 

In this soft tone that his partner had grown unused to, he finally said: "I'm sorry."

Dorian didn't know what to do with that. He wanted Bull to try to shut him down, to be angry. He wanted Bull to give him a reason to storm out and find someone to bitch about the whole mess to, so he could close this. He wanted to have a drink to celebrate this relationship’s  _ end _ , not to lament its continued possession of him. He didn't want civility. He didn't want to feel guilty for responding so harshly to what surely couldn’t be as bad as he made it out to be; he didn't want to make up or for things to be better; he didn't want to be dragged back in again, still hardly able to believe he, so deft in defending his mind from spirits, had let this situation infiltrate his heart and ruin him. This situation, caused by a mortal man, not a desire demon or anything so expert in manipulation by nature. A man trained in deception as it may be: hadn't Bull said his old nickname was qunlat for "Liar?"

Dorian was silent, staring and brimming with uncertainty. The possibilities of Bull’s next words terrified him. He knew he could so easily be trapped, and that Bull could see that fear. But he didn’t speak, so Bull continued: "I shouldn't have missed it. I don't know how I did. Well, I do." A humorless laugh. "But it's not an excuse. You should go."

He expected a "kadan" somewhere in there, or an explicit statement of the implicit being "blinded by love," or something. He was glad for the lack of both, but also alarmed. In his chest was a creeping edge of tension, the fire rising up again. He wanted to ask what Bull knew to be how he "missed it." How bad could it be if he was so reasonable about the whole thing, really? And so brief, he hadn’t dragged it out in the least. Bull wasn't trying to pressure him or make him stay. Maybe it would be worth a second chance, a real chance -

" _ Go _ ." Bull repeated, and cut off Dorian’s train of thought. Fingers twisted around his cape, Dorian forced himself to break eye contact, turned on his heel, and marched himself out of the room.

**Author's Note:**

> There's a good 500 more words of this already written, but this was the chunk that felt conclusive enough to post. I do plan on continuing it; it's the first time in a very long time I've felt the character and narrative drive me to keep writing. I'm not super confident in the characterization and I don't super care! This is fun and cathartic for me and I want to keep writing it.  
> Thanks for reading this far, anyhow!


End file.
